Wednesday, August 28, 2019

Just Because


A few months ago, Jason and I went to Vegas. We had the best time together, just us. I was prepared when we got back to have people ask how our trip was, how the flight was, if we spotted Elvis and could we now retire after hitting the jackpot. What I didn’t expect to be asked so often was “What were you celebrating?” I guess in my sudden guilt of taking a trip just because, I started pulling dates that were close to when we went. Our anniversary was in a few weeks, Jason was also turning 39 in a few weeks and I had a birthday right around the corner. That should be enough reasons to take a big trip, right?
               It suddenly hit me one day that just because was reason enough. Why? Because marriage should be full of just because things.
               Two years ago, after a really good discussion about why marriage is so hard, we made the decision that in order for us to make this work and withstand everything the world throws at us, we HAD to start making time for just because stuff. We also had to do this WITHOUT the parental guilt that comes along with doing things together that often excludes our kiddo. Can we be honest for a minute; our day to day movements usually always include just because stuff for our kids. From making that random McDonald's trip, to sports functions, to the trampoline park, to birthday parties, to practice, to having a friend over, to dance, to church and to everything else in between, most kids get plenty of just because moments sprinkled all throughout the year, sometimes daily. Our days revolve around where we need to be next and how to make sure everyone is happy in the process. Why do we do these things? Because we love our kids and their happiness and quality of life mean something to us. Shouldn’t we treat our marriage the same way?
We started small with a night away on the coast. Nothing fancy, just some crab legs and a halfway decent view of the Gulf Coast. Then we started attending occasional concerts. We take day trips in the Jeep and explore places we have never been. We started to sprinkle our own version of just because moments throughout the year and let me tell you something, it worked. We spent New Years Eve away, alone together. We took a trip to Vegas, just because, and it was fantastic.
We have had several conversations with Colby about the importance of just because time. Ultimately, he is the one who reaps the most benefits. We are better parents to him because we’ve taken the time for just because. We include him on plenty of activities and make sure we are meeting his needs in the process, and the guilt of spending time away from him ceases to exist. I saw a friend post this:



When we neglect to make time for just because moments, especially because we have parental guilt in doing so, we are doing more harm to our kids than helping them. My child knows he is fiercely loved. He knows that in his heart, he knows it by our words, he knows that by our actions and now he knows that by our occasional absence. We’ve explained our just because to him and he totally gets it. His deal is that we keep his kids one day so that he and his future wife can have just because moments too. It is a debt we will happily repay. He also told us, very lovingly, that he needs a break from us from time to time too, just because. I highly doubt it is because his grandparents spoil him when we are away. 
               If you aren’t already making just because stuff happen in your marriage, I highly recommend it. Hit up your parents. Find a babysitter you trust. Leave them with your neighbors. Make a way! Not all of our just because stuff is expensive. Find what just because works for you and your budget. Some of the best just because moments we have had were days we got lost on roads leading to who knows where, singing along to 80's music and just being together.
               You will probably see many more random trips from us in the future, so before anyone asks what we are celebrating, it’s probably just because.



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