No, I didn't delete you.....

This blog has caused me more anxiety than it should have, which is conformation in itself that it's the right thing to do. With that said, it's time for Amanda to take a Facebook break, detox, time out, siesta, etc....  It's not that I spend too much time on it, in fact most days about 2 minutes at a time of it is all I can stand. It's not the politics, which are annoying, or the negativity, which is saddening, or the horrifying news, which scares me to death to be raising a child in this day and age, the hoax posts that refuse to go away and keep coming back, Mark Zuckerberg gave his money to charity, not to anyone who copies and pastes a status, or the repeated selfies from the same 10 people, I haven't forgotten what you look like in a day, but it's the feelings and emotions that it envokes in me that terrifies me. I start comparing myself, my life, my relationships, my house, my child, my dog, my hair, my everything to every single person in my news feed. Jealousy, envy, self pity, discontentment, and all sorts of nastiness invade my mind, my heart and begin to seep into my very soul. 

       The day it really hit me that it's time to take a break was a day I came home spit firing mad at Jason for absolutely no good reason. I had seen a man completely gush, fall all over hisself with beautifully written words about how much he loves his wife on Facebook.  The same day a girl got flowers from her husband "just because". Then a woman came home for her husband to send her to get a mani/pedi just because. Then like icing on the cake, a man surprised his wife with a weekend getaway for their anniversary. I started to compare my relationship and was suddenly FURIOUS that I didn't have a status about me, or flowers just because, or being whisked off to some awesome bed and breakfast. I came home to more chaos of everyday life of homework, and dinner and dishes and laundry and all the while giving Jason the ultimate cold shoulder and stink eye while he has no idea I'm even raging inside at him for something he is completely unaware of. I knew in my heart I was being completely silly, but like a drug addict I kept going back to see what else I was missing out on that day. In the middle of all of that, Jason asked me to come sit and talk with him while he took a bath. He could have easily had time by himself, but he craved conversation with me. He is also completely incapable of going to sleep unless I go with him. Sometimes I don't find that as endearing  when he wants to go to sleep at 7:30, but nevertheless it is. After he asked me to please come to sleep and he snuggled up to me like he always does, I allowed myself to realize that although those things I had seen that day are wonderful, they do not define who you are or the status of your relationship. He had shown me how he loves me in simple gestures all day long, but I allowed my envy to completely miss them all day. 

     This is just a single example of how I've allowed Facebook to make me a complete nut job over recent days but in itself it's enough to see I need a break to readjust my priorities, my way of thinking and to prove to myself that I can live without it. I know it's not a permanent thing. It may last a day, a week, a month or forever but I will know in my heart when I'm ready to come back. 

     So a big happy birthday to everyone I will miss in the process of my absence because let's face it Facebook is the only way I even remember anyone's birthday. I will still be on Instagram, because I haven't gone completely mad to think I can give up all social media, and hopefully I won't lose all of my 1330 Candy Crush levels. I wish each of you that read my blog a very happy new year and a huge thank you for the outpouring of love, kind words, prayers, forgiveness and loyalty. So no, I didn't delete you. The reason you don't see me is because I am no longer there. I will leave it up until New Year's Day to give the blog long enough to circulate. I shall see you on the flip side friends.