I hate the Ferris wheel. It is by far the scariest ride at the fair to me. A few years ago we went to the fair and a bunch of Colby's friends wanted to ride the Ferris wheel but they had to have an adult ride with them because of height restrictions. I was the only adult who had a wrist band that night. Guess who had to take one for the team and ride the Ferris wheel with about 7 kids and pretend they weren't scared to tears? You guessed it. I reluctantly got in line and waited to ride the circle loop of doom. The Ferris wheel isn't so bad when its moving, its when it abruptly stops at the very top and you get stuck there for what feels like forever before it starts moving again that is scary. That's what parenting feels like to me. It's fine when life is moving and is full of fun and adventure, but when it abruptly stops at the top, it's so easy to get caught up in the drama, chaos and the fears of the unknown and find yourself stuck there for a minute.
I find myself getting stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel a lot. Every year of being a mom has presented itself with new challenges. Sometimes I face them head on with my big girl panties on, and other times I find myself on my front porch at midnight sobbing to Jesus for answers. Sometimes I go to sleep at night and pat myself on the back for being a great mom that day, and other times I start counting all the ways I messed up from sun up to sun down. Sometimes I have it all together, and sometimes twice in one week my kid calls me from school to remind me I didn't pack him a lunch. Some days I am his biggest cheerleader and other days I realize that particular day I had been his worst critic. Some days I am fun mom, and other days I am crazy yelling mom. If I am being honest, both of those moms tend to show up on a daily basis.
Sometimes the top of the Ferris wheel is lonely. Whatever event that made my ride come to an abrupt stop begins to consume me. I begin to compare myself to other moms. I compare my kid to others his age. I take mine and his disappoints and try to let them define who we are. I let bad moments make me a bad mom in my head. I troll social media on a self destructive path to make me feel even worse about myself.
In Hebrews 12:11-13 it says "No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight the paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead." Being at the top of the Ferris wheel can seem painful, but what a beautiful reminder that every thing we go through yields fruit. Not just any fruit, but the fruit of peace and righteousness. No matter what has happened to make our Ferris wheel stop at the top, He is teaching us and training us for His divine purpose. How we react at the top of the Ferris wheel will define what kind of fruit we will yield from it. As moms, we have tired hands and weakened knees. 4th grade math was quite possibly the weakest my knees have ever been. There is healing in the brokenness though if we watch where our feet take us. If we remember that bad moments don't make bad moms. If we remember that if we train our child in the way that God will have them to go then he will never depart from it. To find joy in every day because you can always look hard enough to find some. To never stay at the top of the Ferris wheel but to move on so that what is lame will not be dislocated, but healed instead.
The good news is that the kids and I had prayer meeting at the top of that Ferris wheel that night and eventually the ride continued and we came down. I wasn't stuck there forever, it was literally a small blip in time no matter the eternity it felt in the moment. My hands were shaky and my knees were weak, but I survived. Colby thanked me for it afterwards. He knew the sacrifice it took for me to get on that ride and persevere my way through it. As a mom now, I can look back and see where my own mother sacrificed and I can remember many a time where I had her at the top of the Ferris wheel. It is amazing the appreciation and gratitude you form for your own mother once you become one yourself. There is so much joy found in motherhood that even on the worst days, it still outweighs the alternative. I have watched seeds that I planted years ago at the top of the Ferris wheel begin to take root and yield fruit. I have planted more seeds this year than all the ones added up in the past and cling to the promise that God will do the same in years to come.
So to all my fellow mothers out there who have boarded the same Ferris wheel, it may be the scariest ride you will ever board, but it is oh so very worth the ride. Happy Mother's Day to each of you! I hope that each and every one of you get what we all crave as a mother, a GREAT Mothers Day nap.
