National Lampoon's Orlando Vacation

 

    

    Aren't we having the best time here? Oh wait, it's hard to tell because we're wearing a mask. We also had just exited the roller coaster you see behind us, and Jason was still trying to find his stomach. My goal with this blog is to tell about our vacation story, but not write so much that I lose you after a few paragraphs. I can't make any promises. I have a lot to say. I promise to make you laugh in the process. Cue the intro.

    Background: In 2019, Jason and I started planning a surprise trip for Colby centered around taking him to the 2020 Monster Energy Supercross race in Vegas. For those of you not interested in motocross, this is the Superbowl of motocross. It's a big deal. Ok, you're up to speed. Anywho, we bought the airplane tickets, booked the hotel and spent a dreadful amount on front row tickets to the race. We planned to check him out of school and head to the airport without telling him where we were going. We had it all planned out. Well, you know what happens in 2020. All these plans and dreams burn up in a smoke-filled flame of heartbreak and tears. Sidenote: we lost very little money on this trip. Southwest gave us credit to be used later, minus the Earlybird add-on feature we purchased. The venue (finally) refunded our tickets and the hotel canceled our reservation for us before I ever even had the chance. 

    In late 2020, Monster Energy announced that fans would be allowed at races in 2021, but in a very limited capacity. We looked at the schedule and Vegas was no longer listed. However, nestled in the middle of February was Orlando, home of the infamous mouse. This may shock some of you, but we aren’t mouse people. We’ve never had a desire to visit the mouse. Could I talk them into this? Would they even care to go to visit the mouse? Did I dare even suggest it? We are so ready to travel that I would have flown to the Atlanta airport just to sit awhile and then fly back home. The day the tickets went on sale, I purchased ours at 8:01 a.m. and began planning our trip. We wanted to go several days before the race and explore Orlando, but I refused to go and not experience at least ONE Disney park. I then did what most people do; I asked my Facebook friends where non-mouse people should go in Orlando. The response was overwhelming. We looked into every suggestion and made our choice. So now you're all caught up. Here are my highlights, rookie mistakes, hidden gems and takeaways from Orlando.

1. I'm going to call it what it is. Wearing a mask sucks, but wearing it all day, every day, everywhere you go, sucks worse. There are no points in the day where you can take it off to get a break because there are mask police everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. Unless you are physically shoving something in your mouth, it stays on. What was heartbreaking to us was watching small toddlers getting spanked and yelled at by their parents for taking their masks off or refusing to wear them. I wanted to have a temper tantrum over my mask too, and I am 39 years old. Seeing a two-year-old have a mental breakdown in the middle of the happiest place on earth over being hot and having to wear a mask will hurt your heart. So point number one, if you have small children and are considering Disney with mask rules in place, just wait. I know waiting isn't easy, but this was miserable to watch. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. 

2. Most of you have seen the infamous video of Colby in the airplane simulator. We were a little worried about how he would enjoy his experience on a real plane. He was extremely nervous, and it didn't help that right before we boarded, the fire alarms went off in the airport and we were made to evacuate the building. He did great, and Jason was generous enough to allow him to have the window seat on the way there. Jason took it on the way back, and I got the amazing aisle seat. No elbows were harmed due to no beverages being served. Thanks, COVID. 

See, he smiles. 

3. We decided to stay in Disney Springs instead of on an actual Disney property. I got an amazing rate on a suite at the Doubletree Suites by Hilton at Disney Springs. It was within walking distance, .08 of a mile, from Disney Springs. The walk wasn't the worst; your legs were mostly jello at the end of the day anyways. I give this property a 10/10. They generally offer shuttle services as well but were suspended due to COVID. We walked to Disney Springs almost every day for either lunch or dinner. This is where I made a rookie mistake. I had been told repeatedly to use the Disney app to book my dining. I didn't realize I needed to do that for Disney Springs as well. Almost everything was already booked when we got there. I was able to luck up on Planet Hollywood and someone canceled (thank you) at T-Rex, but sadly I didn't get to introduce Colby to the volcano cake at Rainforest Cafe.  

4. We decided for our first free day to go to Animal Kingdom. It seemed like the best fit for us, and we were correct. We LOVED it. The lines were long, but you were constantly moving, so you never felt like you were waiting. The boys were not fans of the wait time for the Avatar Flight of Passage but were singing a new tune once they got off the ride. It was their favorite thing of the day. Mine would be the safari, and a close second would be Jason's reaction to the roller coaster when he realized it was about to go backward. This sparked the conversation of do we want to come back and experience it all. The jury is still out, and if we do, it will be during a non-mask mandate time. 

Jason, don't kill me. I had to. I'm not sorry about it either. 

5. Another suggestion sent to us was Icon Park. After looking into it, we decided to tour the Titanic museum, Madame Tussauds wax museum, and the Orlando aquarium. I won't talk your ear off about these, but I will say we had the time of our lives at the wax museum. We had extremely low expectations for it and ended up having a blast. The aquarium was kind of a bust. It took all of 15 minutes to tour. We enjoyed the Titanic museum and highly recommend it. 

6. One evening, we went to the Universal Citywalk for dinner. It was neat, but I will have to say Disney Springs was much better. We were also so tired from Animal Kingdom that this part of the trip is a blur. After seeing the rides at Universal, we definitely plan to go back. We were kinda kicking ourselves that we didn't add an additional day for it. I am hearing your virtual I told you so's. 

Our physical batteries were at 2%.

7. I can't talk about our trip without discussing why we were there in the first place. We purchased fan fest tickets so that Colby could get an up-close and personal encounter with all of his favorite riders. The meet and greets were canceled due to COVID, but you could still interact with the riders through their tents. Some paid us attention, and others didn't, but I guess that is expected with any celebrity. On a serious note, watching my kid have the best day of his entire life was more than I could have ever expected. All-day long, I watched his face, reactions, and happiness rather than anything else around me. Two years of anticipation had built up to this moment. This was our magical ending. Instead of a castle that lit up and sang, ours was a finish line jump with pyrotechnics and metal music. Masks aside, it was perfect. The cherry on top of a massive cake was Colby's favorite rider won the race. I captured his reaction and am so glad that I did. 

This was probably the highlight of Jason's paternal experience. 

I mean, are you crying, or is it just me?

Just two proud yet extremely cold parents. 

8. I swear this is the last point, or at least I think it is. Since we had the airline tickets already paid for, we struggled on whether to Uber or rent a car. We chose Uber, and let me just tell you why it is the best thing we could have done. In total, we paid $243 in Uber fees. I know that is a lot, but the cost to rent a car for five days was $200. EVERYWHERE we went charged at least $20 to park, including our hotel. We came out much cheaper and probably a lot less stressed, Ubering. We only had one Uber driver, who only spoke broken English, get lost taking us to the race. Jason had to hand-motion him through Google maps to get us to the right place. We all needed a nerve pill after that ride. Other than that, we had great experiences. We even had a lady play KLove on our ride home after the race. I felt it was God's way of saying, you're welcome. 

We walked 32 miles in five days. Two of those days were spent mainly in an airport. 2021 will be a year of travel for us, so stay tuned to our next adventure. I talked way more than I planned to, but I hope you stuck around until the end.