No, I didn't delete you.....

This blog has caused me more anxiety than it should have, which is conformation in itself that it's the right thing to do. With that said, it's time for Amanda to take a Facebook break, detox, time out, siesta, etc....  It's not that I spend too much time on it, in fact most days about 2 minutes at a time of it is all I can stand. It's not the politics, which are annoying, or the negativity, which is saddening, or the horrifying news, which scares me to death to be raising a child in this day and age, the hoax posts that refuse to go away and keep coming back, Mark Zuckerberg gave his money to charity, not to anyone who copies and pastes a status, or the repeated selfies from the same 10 people, I haven't forgotten what you look like in a day, but it's the feelings and emotions that it envokes in me that terrifies me. I start comparing myself, my life, my relationships, my house, my child, my dog, my hair, my everything to every single person in my news feed. Jealousy, envy, self pity, discontentment, and all sorts of nastiness invade my mind, my heart and begin to seep into my very soul. 

       The day it really hit me that it's time to take a break was a day I came home spit firing mad at Jason for absolutely no good reason. I had seen a man completely gush, fall all over hisself with beautifully written words about how much he loves his wife on Facebook.  The same day a girl got flowers from her husband "just because". Then a woman came home for her husband to send her to get a mani/pedi just because. Then like icing on the cake, a man surprised his wife with a weekend getaway for their anniversary. I started to compare my relationship and was suddenly FURIOUS that I didn't have a status about me, or flowers just because, or being whisked off to some awesome bed and breakfast. I came home to more chaos of everyday life of homework, and dinner and dishes and laundry and all the while giving Jason the ultimate cold shoulder and stink eye while he has no idea I'm even raging inside at him for something he is completely unaware of. I knew in my heart I was being completely silly, but like a drug addict I kept going back to see what else I was missing out on that day. In the middle of all of that, Jason asked me to come sit and talk with him while he took a bath. He could have easily had time by himself, but he craved conversation with me. He is also completely incapable of going to sleep unless I go with him. Sometimes I don't find that as endearing  when he wants to go to sleep at 7:30, but nevertheless it is. After he asked me to please come to sleep and he snuggled up to me like he always does, I allowed myself to realize that although those things I had seen that day are wonderful, they do not define who you are or the status of your relationship. He had shown me how he loves me in simple gestures all day long, but I allowed my envy to completely miss them all day. 

     This is just a single example of how I've allowed Facebook to make me a complete nut job over recent days but in itself it's enough to see I need a break to readjust my priorities, my way of thinking and to prove to myself that I can live without it. I know it's not a permanent thing. It may last a day, a week, a month or forever but I will know in my heart when I'm ready to come back. 

     So a big happy birthday to everyone I will miss in the process of my absence because let's face it Facebook is the only way I even remember anyone's birthday. I will still be on Instagram, because I haven't gone completely mad to think I can give up all social media, and hopefully I won't lose all of my 1330 Candy Crush levels. I wish each of you that read my blog a very happy new year and a huge thank you for the outpouring of love, kind words, prayers, forgiveness and loyalty. So no, I didn't delete you. The reason you don't see me is because I am no longer there. I will leave it up until New Year's Day to give the blog long enough to circulate. I shall see you on the flip side friends. 

10 tiny fingers

Ever had one of those days where you were having a very difficult time just being a decent parent? The days where the sound of their breathing alone gets on your nerves. The last two days for some reason I have been struggling to be a decent parent. I sent this in a text to a friend of mine and she sent me a picture of her child laid out in the middle of the kitchen floor having a full fledge meltdown over who knows what and made sure that I knew that I was not alone. Something about rainy weekends makes kids lose their mind. I went to bed with a good bit of guilt because there were a lot of wasted moments this weekend that I spent trying to be a decent parent. I think we all question our parenting skills from time to time. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Tomorrow is always a new day.

A few short months ago we did a study at church and the author of the book talked about how she taught her child something very easy to do when they were scared or afraid or needed courage. She simply told them to put up all 10 fingers and to give each finger a word "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." It's such a quick and easy task and something a child of any age can learn. I immediately taught it to Colby as soon as we got in the car to leave church that night. He kinda rolled his eyes at me but at the same time I saw him silently counting his fingers in the passenger seat. A few weeks ago I had to take him to the hospital to have some test run. No fear, all is well just precautionary test. He was very nervous because he had no idea what to expect and had already thrown up twice in the waiting room because he was so scared. When they put him in the chair, I saw my baby start counting his fingers. Tears began to slide down my face as I knew in that moment I may mess up so many things, but I got one right.

As I went to bed last night I was tired, I had a lot on my mind and just wanted a good nights sleep, I was awoken to the sound of a little boy screaming "mama I'm about to puke." We have been lucky this far to not have the stomach virus at our house but at 2 o'clock this morning it entered with a vengeance. As soon as the first round was over and I took him back to his bed he started pleading with me to pray so I did. I prayed aloud that God would heal him. I prayed that God would take his pain away and to help him not be sick anymore. When I was finished praying, through his own tears he then asked me to count his fingers with him. So we did. Repeatedly till the second round kicked in and off we went. So I lay here now on the couch at 4:30 in the morning with his head on my lap finally resting asking God for forgiveness where I have failed but thanking him for giving me that study in which to learn that 10 little finger trick to teach my child to trust Him and depend on Him at all times. It may be ten tiny fingers, but oh the power those ten words hold. 

Two simple words that can change your life!

Before I start this blog, I must tell you that I felt compelled to help narrate it with Cosby Show meme's. I've said it before and I will say it again, everything you go through in life can highly resemble a Cosby Show episode.

Hear ye, Hear ye all children- young, old, teens, toddlers, smart mouth 10 year olds, college kids who suddenly know everything about everything..... I want you to listen closely. I want to impart on you some wisdom that can thoroughly change your life. At first you will fight me on it. You will want to give me 1,000,000 reasons why I am wrong. <------- this is the problem. You talk too much. I am going to teach you two very familiar words and one action that will make life so much easier. It is something I am desperately trying to impart on my own child. Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't, but I wanted to share this wealth of knowledge with you today.






Most arguments with your mom are never over critical matters. Most involve an argument after she has had to repeatedly tell you to do something 10 times and once she starts yelling like a mad person with smoke coming out of her ears you are suddenly encouraged to actually do said thing. Know how this could have been solved in the very first place?






A simple "Yes Mam" and walk away. Try it out. Play it out in your head. Let it roll off your tongue. Watch your mothers horrid expression as she tries to figure out what has possessed you to actually listen. Don't say: in a minute, or do I have to , or why not..... simply say "Yes Mam" and walk away. Simple right. Think of all the yelling, screaming, grounding, spankings, crying, breakdowns and arguments that could be saved if you only said those two words. Do you always get your way, well .....no.... but the simple truth is you weren't getting your way in the first place. All that your bantering back and forth trying to justify your expert reasoning has done is make the situation worse and possibly ...... no probably put you in an even worse position than when you opened your mouth to begin with.

Most children think they are as smart as Rudy looks right here

With smaller kids most parental squabbles are over chores or lets get real here...anything! "Can you please pick up that pop tart wrapper you just casually dropped on the floor and put it in the trashcan or is that asking entirely too much of you?" Said kid finally picks up the wrapper and lays it on the coffee table and goes about his business. "Is that the trashcan? I said go put that in the trashcan!" At this point said kid will generally do one of three things: Completely ignore you, suddenly have to poop, or give you the "I will in just a minute" line that simply boils my blood. You also have to love the complete mental breakdown over the shoes you laid out for them to wear that they just had to have in the store but suddenly is not the shoe they wanted to wear that day. As a matter of fact, they now hate those shoes and can't believe you ever bought them. 

With your middle aged kids most of your arguments are going to stem from them not getting their way. Case in point:


 "Mom can ______ come and spend the night tonight?"
"No not tonight sweetie, we have plans in the morning."
"Well that is in the morning, not tonight."
"I realize that as I am a fully functional adult and am quite familiar with the concept of time but we do not have time to take ______ home in the morning."
"What if we wake up extra early and go the 20 minutes out of the way to take ____ home?"
"I do believe you asked me a question and I answered not tonight dear."
"Why do you hate me? You don't love me. If you loved me you would let _____ come over. You NEVER let me do anything I want to do."
"For that reaction you are now grounded and will spend the evening cleaning your room or polishing my shoes.... whichever punishment I decide"

                            

The original face palm

See how a Simple yes mam would have worked right there?!?


Now your Pre-teens and Teenagers is where it gets interesting. This is the age in which money grows on trees. This is the age where suddenly they are SOOOOOOO much smarter than you. You are now officially a walking embarrassment to them and the complete definition of lame. They will try to out-smart,
out-wit, out-speak, out-rationalize (ok I made that one up but you get what I am saying) everything you say "NO" too that you suddenly visualize smacking them upside the head. No I am not condoning child abuse, but a love tap never hurt me as a kid when I was being completely irrational. At this point they love to turn an argument around on you and suddenly your the bad guy. So kids at this age group can I be your yoda for a minute? I will pause while you go google that reference. You need this phrase worse than anyone whether you realize it or not. 


"Take that picture you posted today off Instagram."
"Why?!? It had a Bible verse under it mom"
"Yes it did darling but you are also in a bikini top and your showing entirely too much cleavage. I don't think God appreciates you associating that with a Bible verse."
"OMG mom you just don't get it. Your what....like..... 40 or something? You have no idea what you are talking about. Things are different now from when you were my age. You just need to let me be myself and love me for who I am!" Kid suddenly feels just like she just delivered the best speech of her life and deserves a medal.
"For starters I am 39 and holding. Second of all I know exactly what I am talking about. You are 14 years old. You are not auditioning for Girls Gone Wild. I do love you for who you are, but I also have enough sense as a parent that your picture is inappropriate and as your mother it is my job to make sure you make wise choices. Now for the love of all that is Holy, take the picture down now before I make you stand on the side of the road holding a sign that says My mom is punishing me for posting slutty pictures of myself on social media!"
"I hate you!"
"I will take your phone now, thank you."


Now I am not saying your parents will ALWAYS be right, but regardless they do have your best intentions at heart so just insert the Yes Mam and simply walk away. You generally sound dumb in your arguments anyways.

That was a totally logical explanation don't you think

Older kids have usually done something really stupid. Don't try to make us understand why you did what you did. Just sit there, take it, and keep saying yes mam. At this point in time it is also okay to insert an I'm sorry or you're totally right mom or I am a complete idiot, but don't talk too much because whatever you have done has probably got us completely wigging out. Whether you missed curfew, lied to us about where you were going to be, blew what was supposed to be your gas money on a new shirt from the mall and suddenly are out of gas on the side of the road, or any other stunt that involved you not thinking it all the way through, we aren't looking for your excuses. We already realize that your excuse was that you did not use your brain. 

Remember when Vanessa went and had "BIG FUN" with the Wretched

Using my theory of saying yes ma'am will rarely ever be a fun experience for you because in turn it will mean that you're not getting your way. How you react in these circumstances heavily weighs on how we make decisions as parents in the future though so "no" today my quite possibly mean "yes" tomorrow. After every argument that Colby and I have, I will look at him and remind him by saying "what two words would have saved you all of this drama?" He simply drops his head and says "yes mam". In that moment he is reminded of how he could easily be doing something else at the present moment instead of whatever punishment he now has in store. So knock your moms socks off by trying this little trick out. I promise it will work in your favor. 

Dear mom, I see you

Hey there mom, I see you. I see you struggling. I see you wondering what you did wrong. I see you pondering karma and wondering what you are being punished for. I see you googling "How to make my defiant kid behave." I see you in the store wiping your child's tears while fighting off your own. I see your heart break every time you pick your child up and see the look in the eyes of the one who has kept them, thankful that you are finally there. I see you desperately wanting others to love your child like you do. I see the anger and resentment you carry when hearing others say "They must not get good parenting at home."  I see you relish in every achievement, every milestone, every hurdle accomplished because no matter how small to others, you know the pain sweat and tears it took to get there. I see the extreme guilt you carry for sometimes asking God for a do over, a trade, anything but what your dealing with. I see your embarrassment when your child has harmed another. I see the silent tears you shed that no one else sees.  I see you watch them sleep and feel relief for a moments peace. I see you being humbled by seeing someone lose a child and knowing you shouldn't complain about yours so much. I see you completely lose it on your child after mentally having all you could take only to wrap them in your arms pleading for forgiveness and reassuring them of your unconditional love for them. I've seen you allow envy and bitterness take root in your life because it hasn't turned out like you thought it would. 

I see you because I am you. I've walked in your shoes. I felt every single one of these emotions, some all in one day. I've allowed others to belittle me, making me feel as though somewhere I've failed as a parent, just because my child behaves and reacts differently from theirs. I've had to sit outside the daycare and take several deep breaths before entering the building because I know I'm about to hear of all the horrible things they did that day. I've seen how each one of those moments can rip a little piece of you away each time you endure it. I've been the mom who left a buggy full of groceries in the middle of the aisle, dragging a screaming child while shedding tears of my own. I've been on my knees asking, begging God for patience, wisdom and a divine intervention. I have grabbed my child out of bed and held him and thanked God for him, warts and all, after hearing of a mother who has lost hers. I have compared my child to others and wished so hard that he could share some of their traits. 

Many times I've asked God why did he trust me this much. Why did he think I could do this. What did I do that requires so much learning through hardships. What I have learned is that God sees me through completely different eyes than I see myself. God sees the love inside my heart and he knew that although I might fail a million times, I would never give up. He knew that although I might feel completely defeated, I would find that extra amount of strength to get through the day. He knew that I would be able to handle this, even though sometimes I might lose my dignity in the process. He knew that I could love the child he gave me far better than any other person could. My child has taught me more about myself in his 8 short years than I learned in the 25 before. I have an edge over some of the other moms that I know. I know how to not sweat the small stuff. I know how to choose my battles and sometimes it's ok to let them wear what they want even if I cringe at the outfit that doesn't match. I've been able to find wonderful things about my child that I see other moms take for granted. I've learned to simply talk to Jesus when I feel like I can't take another step. I've learned to fall on my face and ask for forgiveness for when I mess up and realize tomorrow is another day. I've learned to not look at my situation as a burden but to start being thankful for the blessing. Most importantly I've raised a child who's heart is kind, loving, repentful, and full who loves me far more than I deserve. Regardless of his actions, I rest in that, knowing that he is a wonderful child and I'm so lucky that he calls ME mom. So mom, I see you. You are not alone. I see you and smile to myself because I feel an intimate connection to you even though you don't even know I'm there. I see you because I am you, and sister, we are gonna make it. I promise. 

Side note: Just fyi to make it clear I do not write this stuff to belittle my child. I write to reach out to other moms like me who know what it's like to raise a child that doesn't always behave the way we wish they would. I saw a post earlier in the week of a mother complaining about how her child was bit at school. The comments left on that post completely broke my heart because two parents were completely bashed on their parenting skills and no one even knew who they were. No one knew what they dealt with at home. No one knew the struggle that they probably try to overcome Each and every day. No one wanted to realize the love in their heart they had for their child. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my child and one day I think he will be thankful to have had a mom who loved him so much that she never once gave up on him.