I have been thinking a lot lately about things that, at my age, I am having to come to terms with. Most of the time they come to me as I am going to sleep. Some give me a giggle, some are frustrating, and some just don't seem fair but nevertheless Its time to suck it up buttercup because its happening.
1) There are just some apologies that you completely deserve that you will sadly just never get.
I am sure we all owe someone out there one as well, but at some point you just have to realize your not going to get the one due to you. Move on.
2)Wrinkles are signs of laughter, not imperfections.
One of the smells I distinctly remember as a child was my moms Noxzema. I learned at a very early age to take care of my skin and working in the cosmetics industry for 7 years definitely helped. I have never been one to stress over wrinkles but I swear one day I woke up and my eyes had grown whiskers. The way I feel about them now is I have earned each and every one of them. Next will be the random white hairs.
3) It is OK not to be an overachieving mom.
This one sometimes is hard to swallow. I'm your average stressed, tired, doing the best I can mom and I have had to let myself know here recently that its 100% OK. Every year as I see every ones precious elf on the shelf pictures I feel a sting of mommy guilt that I am too cheap to pay $30 for a stuffed elf that I have to move around and clean up after every day. Then I am reminded of my child and realize I'm parenting a professional troublemaker who's favorite movies are home alone and problem child, so an elf spelling his name in marshmallows or wrangling his toy ninja turtles are not going to inspire him to behave. Sometimes it is OK to say no and realize I cant do everything, be everywhere, buy everything or do everything I would love to do as a parent.
4) Siri will never understand my accent. Never.
I really have tried to do better about texting and driving. I use my handy dandy talk text most of the time but have come to the conclusion it doesn't interpret "southern." The words Me and mine always come out "maine."
5) You cant please everyone
Its just not gonna happen. The task is exhausting and I have recently acquired a pretty bad case of the I don't give a rats behind.
6) It is important to be independent
There are things like checking the oil in my car, changing a tire, making sure my safety sticker is current (which I'm completely embarrassed to say how urgently past due it is) and things of that masculine nature that I wish I had paid attention to over the years. I always ask my daddy who to vote for and the only tool I own is a cordless drill I won as a door prize that has never been taken out of the box and was almost re gifted a time or two.
7) Change isn't always bad
Change can be scary but at the same time change can be exciting, liberating and fulfilling!
8) Freedom of speech is a one way street
I'm not gonna ruffle peoples feathers with this one but its sad to me not just as a Christian but as an American that so many men died for my freedoms that are still found punishable by some. Words will always offend but the beauty is we are still at liberty to say them.
9) I will never have curly hair
I tried to make it happen. It just isn't meant to be.
10) It's OK to completely lose it in the bath tub
Some people spread their crazy all throughout the day. I on the other hand tend to bottle mine up and save it for that hour in between Colby going to sleep and me doing the same. I have had many a well deserved emotional breakdown in the bathtub. Once I closed my eyes to relax for "just a minute" and woke up freezing 3 hours later. It's my happy place.
11) Life is not a Cosby Show episode
Name anything you have gone through or experienced before and there was more than likely a Cosby Show episode that correlates. Sometimes when I see things or people are telling me a story my mind immediately goes to "well this one time on the Cosby show..." The ending may not always be the same though, although how fun would life be if it was?!?
12) It is clearly impossible for me to watch what I eat from Halloween to New Years
This doesn't need explaining. It is what it is. I will resolve it in January. Until then, eat up buttercup!
I'd love to hear something you are having to come to terms with as well.
Merry Christmas and much love!
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Before you let him buy the farm.....
I have been approached several times and been asked "so when are you going to write a book?" It is something I have toyed with the idea of before, but even spell check would have a tough time correcting my grammar mistakes. I have awoken suddenly many a night with an idea only to drift back off to sleep and forget the genius idea that had came to me. If I were to write a book though, it would be a book directed to the bride about to embark on the journey of being a WIFE. Although it is directed just to her, it really could apply to either party. Some friends and I were talking one day and realized that no one honestly sits you down and gives you the low down before you get married. Sure people jump on board to gush over your ring, advise you on where to honeymoon, help you pick your dress, tell you which caterer to use, and sign your cards Best Wishes!, but no one tells you that you are about to embark on the hardest journey of your life. Instead of a book, I opted to write a letter to those Brides to Be. Feel free to share it with someone you know about to take that plunge! I know there are going to be a few haters out there that will think due to my current marital status I don't have a valuable take on marriage. My answer to those few are, through every experience comes knowledge and sometimes life gives you a lemon in the process and regardless what life has dealt me, my experiences have dealt me a wealth of knowledge so go suck on my lemon!
Dear Bride,
Here you are! You have finally found your prince charming, the love of your life, your soul mate, your piece that completes you, your Romeo (although you do realize he dies at the end right), and last but certainly not least, the wind beneath your wings. First off let me say congratulations! I've been in your shoes. I was so madly deeply in love, I gave up on finishing college and entered marital bliss in full force. I couldn't wait to be a wife. Regardless of my sarcastic undertone and complete disregard for the love bubble that you currently reside in, I do have a fully firm rooted faith in marriage, love and commitment. I am truly happy for you. I am merely here to tell you the things I wish someone would have told me. It's not pretty so prepare yourself. I want you to clear your mind for a minute and imagine your fiance (had to add that in there since newly engaged people cant seem to say it enough) and I want you to concentrate on how much you love this man. Now I want you to imagine yourself slowly suffocating him with a pillow or gauging his eyeballs out with a spoon. What?!? No way!! I love him more than my own life, I could never imagine hurting him. We are different from other couples!!! Our love is stronger than anyone else. I guarantee within the first year of marriage, one of those two options will cross your mind at some point. It may be over something as juvenile as dirty laundry on the floor or him snoring, but yes at some point you will want to chunk Romeo over there off of a cliff. Only married people will understand this phrase, but you will learn what it means to love your spouse even when you hate them. So here are a few tips and pieces of advice I want to pass down to you before you take this step into till death do you part. Most are followed with a scripture I encourage you to look up. I also encourage you to have an open mind, exit your love bubble for a fraction of a minute I promise not to keep you out for long, and think seriously about forever, because marriage is indeed intended to be forever.
1) The very first and most important thing you need to embed in your beautiful brain dear sister right this very minute is this simple yet profound statement: YOU CAN NOT CHANGE A MAN. Many enter marriage knowing there are flaws there but for some God given reason we don't understand, we women think we can fix it. The fights and arguments you have now do not go away when that ring is placed and the paper is signed. They intensify sweet darling and you get a whole new set of problems. His parents have lived with him the majority of his life. I am sure they will hold nothing back on filling you in on his day to day true self. If you can't live for forever with the exact way he is right now, chances are you are in for a very disappointing future. Looks fade, charm is fleeting and the real everyday HIM is what awaits you. Make 100% sure you are in love with WHO he is and not the IDEA of who he is. If you are sure of that, congrats. You can move on to the next step.
2) Money will destroy your marriage quicker than an affair will. I can not stress this enough. There is an old saying that says marriage always consists of a spender and a saver. I have seen every equivalent of that equation and regardless if you have two spenders, two savers or two dreamers living on a prayer, money will test your marriage very quickly and very abrasively. Most pastors encourage marriage counseling before you tie the knot but most married people would also highly suggest financial counseling as well. That applies to the young lovebirds just getting out of school getting married as well as the independent middle aged person finding love later in life. Money is truly the root of all evil. Use it wisely. Luke 16:13, Hebrews 13:5
3) Contrary to popular belief, Marriage is not a circle. Marriage should always be a triangle. God should take His rightful seat at the top, and the two of you at the bottom on each side. Everything that flows through you and your marriage should flow from the top. Trust me you are going to need Him because life has a very funny way of throwing chaos, catastrophes, and calamity your way. If you build your relationship this way, you have a fighting chance when these things test your marriage. Matthew 7:24-27
4) Get out of your barbie doll dream house because marriage is not a fairy tale. You will have wants, dreams, desires and hopes that sadly will never come true. As harsh as that may sound my dear one, you must realize that marriage often times teaches us two very important things: humility and contentment. This is a realization you need to really allow to rock you to your core before saying I do. Its completely ok to continue to have those desires, but always realize that the needs of your family should always outweigh your wants. Failure to do so breeds an evil monster of resentment, greed, selfishness and very poor decisions. Philippians 4:11-13
5) Not only can you not change a man, but you also can not change who YOU are. If you are already having to do that sweet sister, you are in trouble. I am not talking about amending nasty habits or bettering yourself physically and spiritually, but having to change who God made you to be. Make sure your soon to be spouse knows all the desires of your heart and find a common ground before entering into marriage rather than finding these things out the hard way. I knew a woman who entered into a marriage knowing her husband didn't want children. Like I stated before, she willingly entered that marriage thinking she could change his mind. To no ones surprise but her own, she has never been able to have a child and harbors a terrible resentment towards her husband for robbing her of the opportunity to be a mother. Most people would look at her husband and say shame on him for doing that to her. The brutal truth is she knew this going in but inside her love bubble she couldn't see past her deep love for this man. Get your hopes and dreams in check sister. Decide before you make that commitment what you can and what you cant live without. Even if it is ceramic tile or hardwood floors, discuss it! Hebrews 13:5-6
6) Scripture commands us to be submissive, not to be a doormat. If your already being trampled on, chances are that will get worse. Marriage is 50 - 50. Make sure you are giving your share, but also be sure you are receiving yours as well. When you carry your load as well as someone elses you will tire out very easily.
(7) His family is his family. Short and simple. You can't change it. Don't try.
8) I will end with this one: Enter your marriage meaning your vows, every single word of them. I don't think anyone would ever admit that there is one vow that they didn't take seriously, but if everyone entered into marriage with this frame of mind, divorce would not exist. Although they would never admit it, some people these days approach marriage as "well if it doesn't work out then we can always divorce." This should not be dear sister. And although I know you are sitting there agreeing with me, when the going gets tough, and trust me it will, you will have to look at that man and say I made a promise to you and I intend to see it through. Unfortunately we don't always get this one in return. I pray this never happens to you. It isn't a fun place to be. Nevertheless, as long as you approach it with this attitude, you will have fulfilled God's will for your marriage.
My prayer for you is that admist the trials marriage throws your way, you will have lots of laughter, make a ton of memories, and marry your best friend. Oh and by the way, Best Wishes!
Dear Bride,
Here you are! You have finally found your prince charming, the love of your life, your soul mate, your piece that completes you, your Romeo (although you do realize he dies at the end right), and last but certainly not least, the wind beneath your wings. First off let me say congratulations! I've been in your shoes. I was so madly deeply in love, I gave up on finishing college and entered marital bliss in full force. I couldn't wait to be a wife. Regardless of my sarcastic undertone and complete disregard for the love bubble that you currently reside in, I do have a fully firm rooted faith in marriage, love and commitment. I am truly happy for you. I am merely here to tell you the things I wish someone would have told me. It's not pretty so prepare yourself. I want you to clear your mind for a minute and imagine your fiance (had to add that in there since newly engaged people cant seem to say it enough) and I want you to concentrate on how much you love this man. Now I want you to imagine yourself slowly suffocating him with a pillow or gauging his eyeballs out with a spoon. What?!? No way!! I love him more than my own life, I could never imagine hurting him. We are different from other couples!!! Our love is stronger than anyone else. I guarantee within the first year of marriage, one of those two options will cross your mind at some point. It may be over something as juvenile as dirty laundry on the floor or him snoring, but yes at some point you will want to chunk Romeo over there off of a cliff. Only married people will understand this phrase, but you will learn what it means to love your spouse even when you hate them. So here are a few tips and pieces of advice I want to pass down to you before you take this step into till death do you part. Most are followed with a scripture I encourage you to look up. I also encourage you to have an open mind, exit your love bubble for a fraction of a minute I promise not to keep you out for long, and think seriously about forever, because marriage is indeed intended to be forever.
1) The very first and most important thing you need to embed in your beautiful brain dear sister right this very minute is this simple yet profound statement: YOU CAN NOT CHANGE A MAN. Many enter marriage knowing there are flaws there but for some God given reason we don't understand, we women think we can fix it. The fights and arguments you have now do not go away when that ring is placed and the paper is signed. They intensify sweet darling and you get a whole new set of problems. His parents have lived with him the majority of his life. I am sure they will hold nothing back on filling you in on his day to day true self. If you can't live for forever with the exact way he is right now, chances are you are in for a very disappointing future. Looks fade, charm is fleeting and the real everyday HIM is what awaits you. Make 100% sure you are in love with WHO he is and not the IDEA of who he is. If you are sure of that, congrats. You can move on to the next step.
2) Money will destroy your marriage quicker than an affair will. I can not stress this enough. There is an old saying that says marriage always consists of a spender and a saver. I have seen every equivalent of that equation and regardless if you have two spenders, two savers or two dreamers living on a prayer, money will test your marriage very quickly and very abrasively. Most pastors encourage marriage counseling before you tie the knot but most married people would also highly suggest financial counseling as well. That applies to the young lovebirds just getting out of school getting married as well as the independent middle aged person finding love later in life. Money is truly the root of all evil. Use it wisely. Luke 16:13, Hebrews 13:5
3) Contrary to popular belief, Marriage is not a circle. Marriage should always be a triangle. God should take His rightful seat at the top, and the two of you at the bottom on each side. Everything that flows through you and your marriage should flow from the top. Trust me you are going to need Him because life has a very funny way of throwing chaos, catastrophes, and calamity your way. If you build your relationship this way, you have a fighting chance when these things test your marriage. Matthew 7:24-27
4) Get out of your barbie doll dream house because marriage is not a fairy tale. You will have wants, dreams, desires and hopes that sadly will never come true. As harsh as that may sound my dear one, you must realize that marriage often times teaches us two very important things: humility and contentment. This is a realization you need to really allow to rock you to your core before saying I do. Its completely ok to continue to have those desires, but always realize that the needs of your family should always outweigh your wants. Failure to do so breeds an evil monster of resentment, greed, selfishness and very poor decisions. Philippians 4:11-13
5) Not only can you not change a man, but you also can not change who YOU are. If you are already having to do that sweet sister, you are in trouble. I am not talking about amending nasty habits or bettering yourself physically and spiritually, but having to change who God made you to be. Make sure your soon to be spouse knows all the desires of your heart and find a common ground before entering into marriage rather than finding these things out the hard way. I knew a woman who entered into a marriage knowing her husband didn't want children. Like I stated before, she willingly entered that marriage thinking she could change his mind. To no ones surprise but her own, she has never been able to have a child and harbors a terrible resentment towards her husband for robbing her of the opportunity to be a mother. Most people would look at her husband and say shame on him for doing that to her. The brutal truth is she knew this going in but inside her love bubble she couldn't see past her deep love for this man. Get your hopes and dreams in check sister. Decide before you make that commitment what you can and what you cant live without. Even if it is ceramic tile or hardwood floors, discuss it! Hebrews 13:5-6
6) Scripture commands us to be submissive, not to be a doormat. If your already being trampled on, chances are that will get worse. Marriage is 50 - 50. Make sure you are giving your share, but also be sure you are receiving yours as well. When you carry your load as well as someone elses you will tire out very easily.
(7) His family is his family. Short and simple. You can't change it. Don't try.
8) I will end with this one: Enter your marriage meaning your vows, every single word of them. I don't think anyone would ever admit that there is one vow that they didn't take seriously, but if everyone entered into marriage with this frame of mind, divorce would not exist. Although they would never admit it, some people these days approach marriage as "well if it doesn't work out then we can always divorce." This should not be dear sister. And although I know you are sitting there agreeing with me, when the going gets tough, and trust me it will, you will have to look at that man and say I made a promise to you and I intend to see it through. Unfortunately we don't always get this one in return. I pray this never happens to you. It isn't a fun place to be. Nevertheless, as long as you approach it with this attitude, you will have fulfilled God's will for your marriage.
My prayer for you is that admist the trials marriage throws your way, you will have lots of laughter, make a ton of memories, and marry your best friend. Oh and by the way, Best Wishes!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Don't waste the pain
I'm not one for poetry generally but this spoke volumes tonight to me. I've never looked at hardships as "wasting pain". To God be the glory in ALL things. I'm not going to waste the pain, I will let it prove thee. Are you wasting yours?
Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I have a 7 year old....
Raising a child is hard work. You experience an unconditional, completely fulfilling, extraordinary, selfless love like no other while simultaneously completely losing your mind. Like, seriously losing your marbles. There are days that I feel my nerves are like piano strings and Colby hops on each one seeing how loudly he can bang them. God entrusted a very special, brilliant, loving yet defiant child into my care and sometimes you feel as though your doing the best you can.
Last time to tuck in a 6 year old
I can't believe my little man is now 7 years old. Time does truly fly by. So at 7 years of age these are the "Colby" highlights:
(1)Colby, like most kids this age, has developed the "smart mouth syndrome" that makes you want to chunk them out of a moving vehicle at times. We are learning things like "your not the boss of me" and the ole Rudy Huxtable standby of "I never get to do anything I want to do!" Something I've tried teaching him since he was young is when your angry, take a deep breath and just walk away. I find I am having to tell myself that now more than I'm having to tell him.
Punishment before his birthday party ..... He thought it was fun at first. He quickly realized it wasn't.
(2)Colby is extremely affectionate. He is very outgoing and never meets a stranger. I've seen him jump into people's arms and then realize he has absolutely no idea who they even are. He can't just simply shake your hand or give you a simple "what's up", he has to violently attack you in a bear hug or very unexpectedly jump into your arms. I've had to remind myself that it's my insecurities that this bothers and that it's just his personality. He can't simply sit by you, he needs to sit on you. He plays with my hair while watching tv and always wants to hold my hand. He wants a kiss before getting out of the car for school and one before falling asleep.
(3) He loves music. His IPod is full of 80's rock. He can tell you every Journey song and can even distinguish between Steve Perry and the new singer Arnel Pineda! He loves to sing the most inappropriate songs in the most inappropriate places such as "I'm sexy and I know it" at church and alerted everyone in Walmart once that he had "moves like Jagger". He will break it down whenever he sees fit.
(4) He loves baseball. He started out a little rocky but after some great coaching he is getting the hang of it. He is still scared of the ball when it's thrown to him but he is working on it. I may be partial but my goodness he is precious in the outfit too. He slides into home even when he doesn't need too and he has great sportsmanship.
(5) He "jokes" instead of "lies." Colby you said you put your dirty clothes up.... Well mom I was just joking. Yea nice try... Try again.
(6) He is very smart. He has made all A's so far and his reading abilities blow my mind. His favorite subject is still "recess" and he hates math but he gets that honest. He loves to tell people that he is smarter than me because he knew who the 16th president was and I didn't. If he only knew I had to google the difference between an adverb and a preposition.
(7)He is extremely clumsy. He thinks he is a gymnast. He thinks jumping from couch to couch is a fine art that he must master. Eventually the floor is going to win.
(8) He thinks money grows on trees already. He doesn't understand why I can't just go to "that money thing" (ATM) and "just get some dollars"
for whatever it is that he is wanting.
(9) He loves to swim. He mastered this last summer but he begs to swim every day. When I told him it was too cold yesterday he pleaded that he would wear his long johns and boots.
(10). He no longer can take a picture without making some sort of face. Case in point:
(11). God love him he barely has any teeth. We had to have a few removed due to his mouth being too small but the others he has pulled. I can remember as a child pulling my teeth was a tragic event but he does it like a champ!
(12) Colby is VERY into girls. He loves to pick out girls and tell them they are H-O-T hot! He has a girlfriend at school but until recently that relationship has only been one sided. He tells her he loves her, she tells him she hates him.... Typical young love. Yesterday he got in the car singing a song he made up entitled "today I got my girlfriend back". Apparently they are now "on again". Lord help me...
Here are some highlights from his 7th birthday party. I have said this before but plan on sticking to my word next year that this will be the last big birthday party he has.
Kids are like wild animals being released when a piñata breaks.
Scavenger hunt was a huge hit!
A huge shout out thank you to my dear friend Shae who helped me paint all of these bags!
Impossible to get everyone to look.
Pin the ball in the catchers mit.
Happy 7th Birthday Colby Owen Mills. I love you to the moon and back no matter how much I gripe about you. You have made me lose my mind yet find my soul. Although some days I'm determined your trying to kill me, I realize that you are actually what keeps me going. You will never know the depths of my love for you. You have taught me more about myself in 7 years than I knew in the 25 years previous.
Last time to tuck in a 6 year old
I can't believe my little man is now 7 years old. Time does truly fly by. So at 7 years of age these are the "Colby" highlights:
(1)Colby, like most kids this age, has developed the "smart mouth syndrome" that makes you want to chunk them out of a moving vehicle at times. We are learning things like "your not the boss of me" and the ole Rudy Huxtable standby of "I never get to do anything I want to do!" Something I've tried teaching him since he was young is when your angry, take a deep breath and just walk away. I find I am having to tell myself that now more than I'm having to tell him.
Punishment before his birthday party ..... He thought it was fun at first. He quickly realized it wasn't.
(2)Colby is extremely affectionate. He is very outgoing and never meets a stranger. I've seen him jump into people's arms and then realize he has absolutely no idea who they even are. He can't just simply shake your hand or give you a simple "what's up", he has to violently attack you in a bear hug or very unexpectedly jump into your arms. I've had to remind myself that it's my insecurities that this bothers and that it's just his personality. He can't simply sit by you, he needs to sit on you. He plays with my hair while watching tv and always wants to hold my hand. He wants a kiss before getting out of the car for school and one before falling asleep.
(3) He loves music. His IPod is full of 80's rock. He can tell you every Journey song and can even distinguish between Steve Perry and the new singer Arnel Pineda! He loves to sing the most inappropriate songs in the most inappropriate places such as "I'm sexy and I know it" at church and alerted everyone in Walmart once that he had "moves like Jagger". He will break it down whenever he sees fit.
(4) He loves baseball. He started out a little rocky but after some great coaching he is getting the hang of it. He is still scared of the ball when it's thrown to him but he is working on it. I may be partial but my goodness he is precious in the outfit too. He slides into home even when he doesn't need too and he has great sportsmanship.
(5) He "jokes" instead of "lies." Colby you said you put your dirty clothes up.... Well mom I was just joking. Yea nice try... Try again.
(6) He is very smart. He has made all A's so far and his reading abilities blow my mind. His favorite subject is still "recess" and he hates math but he gets that honest. He loves to tell people that he is smarter than me because he knew who the 16th president was and I didn't. If he only knew I had to google the difference between an adverb and a preposition.
(7)He is extremely clumsy. He thinks he is a gymnast. He thinks jumping from couch to couch is a fine art that he must master. Eventually the floor is going to win.
(8) He thinks money grows on trees already. He doesn't understand why I can't just go to "that money thing" (ATM) and "just get some dollars"
for whatever it is that he is wanting.
(9) He loves to swim. He mastered this last summer but he begs to swim every day. When I told him it was too cold yesterday he pleaded that he would wear his long johns and boots.
(10). He no longer can take a picture without making some sort of face. Case in point:
(11). God love him he barely has any teeth. We had to have a few removed due to his mouth being too small but the others he has pulled. I can remember as a child pulling my teeth was a tragic event but he does it like a champ!
(12) Colby is VERY into girls. He loves to pick out girls and tell them they are H-O-T hot! He has a girlfriend at school but until recently that relationship has only been one sided. He tells her he loves her, she tells him she hates him.... Typical young love. Yesterday he got in the car singing a song he made up entitled "today I got my girlfriend back". Apparently they are now "on again". Lord help me...
Here are some highlights from his 7th birthday party. I have said this before but plan on sticking to my word next year that this will be the last big birthday party he has.
Kids are like wild animals being released when a piñata breaks.
Scavenger hunt was a huge hit!
A huge shout out thank you to my dear friend Shae who helped me paint all of these bags!
Impossible to get everyone to look.
Pin the ball in the catchers mit.
Happy 7th Birthday Colby Owen Mills. I love you to the moon and back no matter how much I gripe about you. You have made me lose my mind yet find my soul. Although some days I'm determined your trying to kill me, I realize that you are actually what keeps me going. You will never know the depths of my love for you. You have taught me more about myself in 7 years than I knew in the 25 years previous.
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