I read a pretty powerful statement the other day. It was one of those sentences that jumped straight off the page and into the depths of my soul. It has haunted me for days. It has made me put fingertips to keyboard. It simply said "I will not sacrifice Your grace for my child on the alter of other people's opinions." It went on further to explain that even though we desperately want our children to make wise choices and walk in obedient behavior, ultimately we have to trust God as HE writes their testimony, not US. And guess what that means......we have ZERO control over what or when He sees fit to do so. That is a pretty bitter pill to swallow. In fact in burns going down.
We throw the words Grace and Mercy around pretty frequently in church, but how many times is Grace abundantly available and we blatantly turn it down. When I read that statement, I was convicted. The writer of that statement was explaining a story where she was approached by another parent with a long list of all of her daughters short comings. She was given information of behavior she wasn't aware of, and some behavior she had been fervently praying for God's intervention for years. Not only did this woman approach her, but she informed her she had told several others, including her pastor, in the name of justice. She was embarrassed. Ashamed. Ostracized. Persecuted. Ridiculed. Heartbroken. Angry. She forgot in that moment that Grace was readily available for her child. Grace by definition is the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God. It is His readily available favor for the unworthy.
As a parent, we have a "right now" mentality. When I pray for God to intervene in a situation, or for Him to correct a particular behavior, or for Him to just take an entire problem away, I don't mean when He see's fit to do it, I mean right that very second. I get discouraged when He doesn't. I think we all do. I think about a mother praying for her child battling addiction. She knows in her heart that she didn't raise her child to be that way. She continuously prays for God to step in and fix it. When she doesn't see it happen, she wonders if God even hears her. She then starts looking for faults in herself. What has she done to warrant this. Where did she fail. Where did she go wrong. She fears the future. She dwells on what people say about her family. She focuses on what people must think of her. She allows it to consume her. She is heartbroken for a child that she loves more than her own life. She needs God to fulfill His promise to her right now. She needs peace in her heart. She needs people’s opinions to change in order to do so.
It could be the mother of a teenager who has just told her she is pregnant. The mother of a child who has a hard time minding the rules. The mother of a child who was born with rebellion in their blood and has defied every rule placed in front of them since they learned the word NO. It could be a mom who see's her child struggle with insecurity and fears he/she will harm himself. The mom of the kid who talks too much. The mom of the kid who never speaks. The mom of the kid with special needs that no one seems to understand. The mom of the kid who made that very public mistake. The mom of the kid who is struggling with who they are and who God intended for them to be. The mom of the kid with the wrong kind of friends. The mom of the kid with no friends. The mom of the kid who is a bully. The mom of the kid who imitates the behavior of a bully just to fit in. The mom of the kid who will go to any lengths to impress the cool kids. The mom of the kid who doesn't understand why God made them so different. The mom of the kid who thrives on attention, no matter if it is good or bad.
I go back in my own life and assess the times I know my own mother felt some of these ways. I see some of the struggles I have walked through and know she must have prayed for me to take a different path. I can imagine her nights of tear stained pillows crying out to God for Him to intervene. The beauty and reality of the situation is had God stepped in when she must have pleaded for Him too, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't have the testimony that I do. I wouldn't know the depths of God's unfailing love for me. I wouldn't even understand what His Grace is. God did hear her prayer. God did have a plan for me, it probably just took Him longer to reveal it than she would have liked. God was writing my testimony.
So from now on, I will choose Grace for my child rather than sacrificing it on the opinions of others. The beauty is whether or not any of us actually deserve His Grace, His blood still covers us in it. I will carry this realization with me through his teenage years. I know I will need it then the most. I will remember that whether God intervenes in my time or His, He is writing his testimony the way he see's fit to do so. I will extend grace to others as well, because Gods grace doesn't pick and choose.
Do you find yourself in a situation where you need to accept Gods abundant grace for your child, but you can’t see past the opinions of others to do so? My prayer for you today is that you can find freedom in that statement like I did and fully trust God as HE writes your kids testimony. His Grace truly is greater than ALL our sins.
Sidenote: If you are looking for a great study and this blog resonated with you, pick up a copy of “Finding I Am” by Lysa TerKeurst.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Friday, May 11, 2018
The Ferris Wheel of Motherhood
With Mother's Day on the horizon, I can't help but think about what it means to be a mom. I have learned so much from motherhood, mostly that God has a hilarious sense of humor, but simply put; It's hard! Some days are hearts and rainbows and other days are full of crying face and poop emoji's.
I hate the Ferris wheel. It is by far the scariest ride at the fair to me. A few years ago we went to the fair and a bunch of Colby's friends wanted to ride the Ferris wheel but they had to have an adult ride with them because of height restrictions. I was the only adult who had a wrist band that night. Guess who had to take one for the team and ride the Ferris wheel with about 7 kids and pretend they weren't scared to tears? You guessed it. I reluctantly got in line and waited to ride the circle loop of doom. The Ferris wheel isn't so bad when its moving, its when it abruptly stops at the very top and you get stuck there for what feels like forever before it starts moving again that is scary. That's what parenting feels like to me. It's fine when life is moving and is full of fun and adventure, but when it abruptly stops at the top, it's so easy to get caught up in the drama, chaos and the fears of the unknown and find yourself stuck there for a minute.
I find myself getting stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel a lot. Every year of being a mom has presented itself with new challenges. Sometimes I face them head on with my big girl panties on, and other times I find myself on my front porch at midnight sobbing to Jesus for answers. Sometimes I go to sleep at night and pat myself on the back for being a great mom that day, and other times I start counting all the ways I messed up from sun up to sun down. Sometimes I have it all together, and sometimes twice in one week my kid calls me from school to remind me I didn't pack him a lunch. Some days I am his biggest cheerleader and other days I realize that particular day I had been his worst critic. Some days I am fun mom, and other days I am crazy yelling mom. If I am being honest, both of those moms tend to show up on a daily basis.
Sometimes the top of the Ferris wheel is lonely. Whatever event that made my ride come to an abrupt stop begins to consume me. I begin to compare myself to other moms. I compare my kid to others his age. I take mine and his disappoints and try to let them define who we are. I let bad moments make me a bad mom in my head. I troll social media on a self destructive path to make me feel even worse about myself.
In Hebrews 12:11-13 it says "No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight the paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead." Being at the top of the Ferris wheel can seem painful, but what a beautiful reminder that every thing we go through yields fruit. Not just any fruit, but the fruit of peace and righteousness. No matter what has happened to make our Ferris wheel stop at the top, He is teaching us and training us for His divine purpose. How we react at the top of the Ferris wheel will define what kind of fruit we will yield from it. As moms, we have tired hands and weakened knees. 4th grade math was quite possibly the weakest my knees have ever been. There is healing in the brokenness though if we watch where our feet take us. If we remember that bad moments don't make bad moms. If we remember that if we train our child in the way that God will have them to go then he will never depart from it. To find joy in every day because you can always look hard enough to find some. To never stay at the top of the Ferris wheel but to move on so that what is lame will not be dislocated, but healed instead.
The good news is that the kids and I had prayer meeting at the top of that Ferris wheel that night and eventually the ride continued and we came down. I wasn't stuck there forever, it was literally a small blip in time no matter the eternity it felt in the moment. My hands were shaky and my knees were weak, but I survived. Colby thanked me for it afterwards. He knew the sacrifice it took for me to get on that ride and persevere my way through it. As a mom now, I can look back and see where my own mother sacrificed and I can remember many a time where I had her at the top of the Ferris wheel. It is amazing the appreciation and gratitude you form for your own mother once you become one yourself. There is so much joy found in motherhood that even on the worst days, it still outweighs the alternative. I have watched seeds that I planted years ago at the top of the Ferris wheel begin to take root and yield fruit. I have planted more seeds this year than all the ones added up in the past and cling to the promise that God will do the same in years to come.
So to all my fellow mothers out there who have boarded the same Ferris wheel, it may be the scariest ride you will ever board, but it is oh so very worth the ride. Happy Mother's Day to each of you! I hope that each and every one of you get what we all crave as a mother, a GREAT Mothers Day nap.
I hate the Ferris wheel. It is by far the scariest ride at the fair to me. A few years ago we went to the fair and a bunch of Colby's friends wanted to ride the Ferris wheel but they had to have an adult ride with them because of height restrictions. I was the only adult who had a wrist band that night. Guess who had to take one for the team and ride the Ferris wheel with about 7 kids and pretend they weren't scared to tears? You guessed it. I reluctantly got in line and waited to ride the circle loop of doom. The Ferris wheel isn't so bad when its moving, its when it abruptly stops at the very top and you get stuck there for what feels like forever before it starts moving again that is scary. That's what parenting feels like to me. It's fine when life is moving and is full of fun and adventure, but when it abruptly stops at the top, it's so easy to get caught up in the drama, chaos and the fears of the unknown and find yourself stuck there for a minute.
I find myself getting stuck at the top of the Ferris wheel a lot. Every year of being a mom has presented itself with new challenges. Sometimes I face them head on with my big girl panties on, and other times I find myself on my front porch at midnight sobbing to Jesus for answers. Sometimes I go to sleep at night and pat myself on the back for being a great mom that day, and other times I start counting all the ways I messed up from sun up to sun down. Sometimes I have it all together, and sometimes twice in one week my kid calls me from school to remind me I didn't pack him a lunch. Some days I am his biggest cheerleader and other days I realize that particular day I had been his worst critic. Some days I am fun mom, and other days I am crazy yelling mom. If I am being honest, both of those moms tend to show up on a daily basis.
Sometimes the top of the Ferris wheel is lonely. Whatever event that made my ride come to an abrupt stop begins to consume me. I begin to compare myself to other moms. I compare my kid to others his age. I take mine and his disappoints and try to let them define who we are. I let bad moments make me a bad mom in my head. I troll social media on a self destructive path to make me feel even worse about myself.
In Hebrews 12:11-13 it says "No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore strengthen your tired hands and weakened knees, and make straight the paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed instead." Being at the top of the Ferris wheel can seem painful, but what a beautiful reminder that every thing we go through yields fruit. Not just any fruit, but the fruit of peace and righteousness. No matter what has happened to make our Ferris wheel stop at the top, He is teaching us and training us for His divine purpose. How we react at the top of the Ferris wheel will define what kind of fruit we will yield from it. As moms, we have tired hands and weakened knees. 4th grade math was quite possibly the weakest my knees have ever been. There is healing in the brokenness though if we watch where our feet take us. If we remember that bad moments don't make bad moms. If we remember that if we train our child in the way that God will have them to go then he will never depart from it. To find joy in every day because you can always look hard enough to find some. To never stay at the top of the Ferris wheel but to move on so that what is lame will not be dislocated, but healed instead.
The good news is that the kids and I had prayer meeting at the top of that Ferris wheel that night and eventually the ride continued and we came down. I wasn't stuck there forever, it was literally a small blip in time no matter the eternity it felt in the moment. My hands were shaky and my knees were weak, but I survived. Colby thanked me for it afterwards. He knew the sacrifice it took for me to get on that ride and persevere my way through it. As a mom now, I can look back and see where my own mother sacrificed and I can remember many a time where I had her at the top of the Ferris wheel. It is amazing the appreciation and gratitude you form for your own mother once you become one yourself. There is so much joy found in motherhood that even on the worst days, it still outweighs the alternative. I have watched seeds that I planted years ago at the top of the Ferris wheel begin to take root and yield fruit. I have planted more seeds this year than all the ones added up in the past and cling to the promise that God will do the same in years to come.
So to all my fellow mothers out there who have boarded the same Ferris wheel, it may be the scariest ride you will ever board, but it is oh so very worth the ride. Happy Mother's Day to each of you! I hope that each and every one of you get what we all crave as a mother, a GREAT Mothers Day nap.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
To my baby sister on her wedding day
You knew this was coming right.....I can't tell you how many times I have sat down to write this and just couldn't. When I prayed you into this world, I could have never imagined the relationship that God would bless us with. Not everyone is fortunate to have a sister that is their best friend, but how lucky are we! To say I have struggled with you getting married is a huge understatement. That is in no way a reflection on Ross, I thank God daily for blessing you with such a wonderful guy who I can talk football too, but it's the realization that you are all grown up.
The thing with our age difference is I've been able to watch everything in your life through the eyes of an adult instead of a child. I saw you grow from a baby, to a child, to a teenager and then into an independent young woman. I've watched you grow in beauty and grace. I've watched you go though heartbreak and rise above it. I've watched you grow in your relationship with your Savior. I've watched your passion for people move you. I've watched you take 3 children who lost their precious mother and love them through it. I've watched you tackle a competitive major and come out successful. I've watched you fall in love and find happiness. I've watched you do so many things that make my heart swell with pride, including what I will witness today. Today I will watch you get married. Today I will watch you make a vow before God and all those who love you. Today I will watch you smile and laugh and dance and then leave different than when you came. It gives me such peace to know that I can watch you today and know without hesitation that it was a wonderful decision that God hand crafted into existence. That peace will allow me to weep tears of joy today instead of sadness.
I could give you a book of advice but I will leave you with this one grain of wisdom: Love isn't always a feeling, sometimes Love is a choice. There will be days, contrary to what you feel now, that you will have to choose each day to love Ross. Some days that choice will be easy and other days it will be difficult, but I can promise you that your marriage will always be better for it. Marriage isn't always full of happiness, rainbows and carriage rides into the sunset. Marriage will test every single cell in your body. Marriage is work that is very much worth the extra effort. Always remember to choose love, even when your mind doesn't want too and especially during football season.
Today will pass in a blur. Savor every single second of it. Don't find yourself stressing over little things, everything will come together smoothly. I can't wait to spend every single moment with you today and savoring ever second of it myself. It will be hard to watch you leave tonight. A piece of my heart will be heading to Disney with you. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the two of you and what I get to watch next! I love you more than you love cookie dough.
Love,
Your Big Sister
The thing with our age difference is I've been able to watch everything in your life through the eyes of an adult instead of a child. I saw you grow from a baby, to a child, to a teenager and then into an independent young woman. I've watched you grow in beauty and grace. I've watched you go though heartbreak and rise above it. I've watched you grow in your relationship with your Savior. I've watched your passion for people move you. I've watched you take 3 children who lost their precious mother and love them through it. I've watched you tackle a competitive major and come out successful. I've watched you fall in love and find happiness. I've watched you do so many things that make my heart swell with pride, including what I will witness today. Today I will watch you get married. Today I will watch you make a vow before God and all those who love you. Today I will watch you smile and laugh and dance and then leave different than when you came. It gives me such peace to know that I can watch you today and know without hesitation that it was a wonderful decision that God hand crafted into existence. That peace will allow me to weep tears of joy today instead of sadness.
I could give you a book of advice but I will leave you with this one grain of wisdom: Love isn't always a feeling, sometimes Love is a choice. There will be days, contrary to what you feel now, that you will have to choose each day to love Ross. Some days that choice will be easy and other days it will be difficult, but I can promise you that your marriage will always be better for it. Marriage isn't always full of happiness, rainbows and carriage rides into the sunset. Marriage will test every single cell in your body. Marriage is work that is very much worth the extra effort. Always remember to choose love, even when your mind doesn't want too and especially during football season.
Today will pass in a blur. Savor every single second of it. Don't find yourself stressing over little things, everything will come together smoothly. I can't wait to spend every single moment with you today and savoring ever second of it myself. It will be hard to watch you leave tonight. A piece of my heart will be heading to Disney with you. I can't wait to see what the future holds for the two of you and what I get to watch next! I love you more than you love cookie dough.
Love,
Your Big Sister
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)