Letting it sink in

One thing I have learned over the years is that everyone deals with things in their own way. What you might find peculiar may be completely normal for me. Some things I tend to take head on and others I push to the far corners of my mind and pretend they didn't happen.

I have to admit I know nothing, and I mean nothing about the Sandy Hook Shootings. It's not that I am insensitive to it, my heart just physically feels like it can't take it. I felt like a kid who wanted to close my eyes and cover my ears and sing as loud as I could when someone started talking about it. I watched zero news coverage, I quickly scrolled through Facebook newsfeed flooded with pictures of babies, MY babies age smiling, and would excuse myself out of a room if it came up. I pushed it as far back in the corner of my brain as it would possibly go.

Today I came home and like any other day I asked Colby how his day was. He preceded to give me the highlights ( recess and who got in the most trouble) and then he said "mom we are doing some drills at school". I said like a fire drill? He said yes mam and the one where the earth shakes and the one where a tornado comes to eat your house. As I was asking him what each drill entailed he said " oh yea we also have a lockdown drill. I know what to do momma if a bad person wants to hurt me. I go and get in my cubby. We were told to be quiet but I just think ill sit there and talk to Jesus". I had to completely leave the room. I finally let it all in, months after the fact. All those babies. The teachers. Complete irrational nonsense. After gaining my composure I walked back into the living room, put my baby in my lap and let him sit there as long as he wanted. I'm so proud that his thought process instantly went to calling on our Lord Jesus Christ in times of trouble. All those moments of feeling failure as a parent subsided because I had managed to teach him the one thing that matters most in this life. My prayer is that he will never forget it.

My heart aches in a special way tonight. A grief I finally allowed myself to feel. To mourn people I never knew. I pray I never know their families sorrow.

Sweet Jesus,
Thank you for loving EVEN me. Thank you that at the sheer whisper of your name I instantly find peace and rest.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

January thus far

Well the year started out a little rocky but for the most part has settled down. Colby finally was able to get his itchy temporary cast off......



And they let him scratch for about ten minutes before.....



He had his hulk arm installed. Somedays he is the green power ranger but the Hulk has pretty much stuck. I am counting the days until this "@$@+>~\_}*+>|~ thing gets to come off. The child is MILKING it. Thankfully this one hasn't itched (knocking on wood) so he barely knows he has it on, that is until he needs to get off the bed, off the couch, to brush his teeth, to hand him his drink, to put his candy wrapper in the garbage etc. It could always be worse, this I know. So not to slow us down ....







We decided to go fishing. We didn't have any luck because it was very windy and started raining 30 minutes after we got there. He still had a fun time.

Last weekend we celebrated Colby's girlfriend Blair's birthday at laser tag. These two run off of the same fuel. Ever seen problem child 2? Well behold Junior and Trixie!



He has to share Blair with this guy...



But neither of them seem to mind very much. After church one Sunday in the most serious voice of a 6 year old , Colby said "mom I bet you sure do wish I behaved as good as Collin does don't you? Well it's not gonna happen so don't worry about it ok". Well then. It's bad when even he realizes he has issues haha

I was taken for my first Hibachi experience last year and have wanted to take Colby ever since. I knew it would be a complete waste of money because I have managed to spawn the pickiest eater in the world. The child literally takes a ham sandwich every single day to school. I figured the experience would be worth the $. He was the entertainment for the complete strangers who sat with us. I was just relieved that they found him entertaining and not annoying.




Giving it a try....



It was a tad smokey....






After a few bites of his steak he was "done" and ready to go. Of course we couldn't leave without a Colby moment. Our waitress asked Colby if he would like a refill. With a puzzled look on his face he looked at her and said what? She replied "refill?" He said um.... Are you speaking Chinese lady? Thank goodness she had a sense of humor!

Then of course there was ice cream...after all I had been in shorts and flip flops all day!









He adores his nana. My guess is because she spoils him and rarely tells him No. I adore her too.

I have written several of my "inspirational" blogs out of Romans 12 & 13. If you haven't read these chapters of the bible, I encourage you too. I'll leave you with a small portion of it.



I could write for days on that but the great thing is it speaks for itself. I strive to live my life by Romans 12 & 13 in its entirety. Im thankful I am covered by Gods grace because I fail miserably.

A new year

Well lets look at some highlights from 2012 shall we...
- Snookie reproduced.....
- Taylor Swift is never, ever, ever getting back together with who the heck knows...
- We all lived past 2012 (box office movie to follow I'm sure)...
- Miley Cyrus jacked her hair up....
- Women across the planet went 50 shades of Cray Cray.....

I've learned a lot this year. It's amazing to reflect and see the things God teaches you through different trials and circumstances. I have several things I will take from this year and several things I will leave in 2012 but most importantly I will be thankful for the life God has given me. I do not always understand it but the GREAT thing is I completely trust Him so I don't have to understand it.

I have made several resolutions, those I choose to keep to myself, but I do hope to take 2013 like a boss! Although it started out a little rocky.....



















.... I know there is still great things ahead. I am so very thankful for the blessings I have and hope to not take one single breath for granted this year.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Fa ra ra ra ra ra ra ra ra

Just like Christmas every year, I blinked and it was over. It seems like it takes forever to get here and then poof it's gone. I hate that empty feeling after its all over, especially when you look around and see the HUGE mess that everyone has left you to clean up haha. This year like every other was busy yet exciting. I am blogging from my new iPhone for the first time and the pictures seem to upload blurry so bear with me!
First came Christmas with my brother and sister in law. Since they live in Alabama they came up to do Christmas a little early. Colby thinks his uncle Justin is a boxing bag.  He wears him out from the time we see him until the moment we leave. This may be why they only visit a few times a year ;-)



                                       He got a new glow in the dark racetrack that we all had fun with.






Flying daddy's new toy...






Then I got to visit with two very special people in my life who I rarely get to see. It was a short visit but always great to catch up.



The next few pics are from Christmas Eve.








At our church candlelight service



I managed to watch it four times this year. I love that Colby loves it just as much as me.



A tablet from my parents. By far the best gift ever! Now I can have my phone back!



A rare family portrait where we are ALL smiling. It must have been a Christmas miracle because Jason's was not even forced or bribed.



My best friend. She will never fully grasp how much she means to me!



Putting out reindeer food....



Putting out Santa some Oreo balls and milk...
Christmas morning was so much fun. He tore into each gift with excitement and an earnest thankful attitude which is rare for Colby.



Finally Santa brought the Wii. We have already logged many hours on the Wii.



You can tell by his eyes he is half asleep.



I instantly regretted this purchase.



He asked Santa for a 32 but Santa left him a note telling him that a 32 was a rather big gun for such a small boy but that this BB gun was just right! He had the best time!
Now the joys of getting my house back in order, taking the tree down and finding room for all of the new stuff we acquired. I hope each of you had a Merry Christmas. I savored every precious minute with my family. You never know when it may be your last!

Playing catch up!

Well it has been a hot minute since I have took the time to write a blog. Most times when I sat down to do it my frame of mind was not in the best place and most of what got wrote down was crap! So to bring you up to speed on everything I missed documenting, I will give you the quick re-cap.

We went to the beach in September and had a great relaxing time. Colby enjoyed the beach but he LOVED the pool at the condo. For one reason it had a waterpark slide and second there was a large group of 15 year old girls who kept telling him how cute he was. 

October my lil man turned 6. We let him invite a few of his friends from church and soccer to kids rule for a jump party. By far the easiest party I have ever done. We basically showed up with a cake and there was nothing to clean or tend to the entire time. We also had Halloween where I surprised Colby with a red power ranger costume. To say the least he was ecstatic. At the end of the month we took him to the fair. Every year he gets braver! He was FINALLY tall enough to ride most of the rides. Jason talked him into getting on the wipeout (an adult ride) and I had to stand there helplessly for what seemed like 30 minutes while my child had a full on panic attack. I found myself screaming to the little carny to turn it off. Granted this is our, I mean Jason's fault for allowing him on it in the first place but it did make for a funny story for later. 

November was slam packed with birthday parties ! We were managing two if not three a Saturday. The weather was great though so it gave us something fun to do. Colby has done so well in school. He has So far received all 100's. I  am completely amazed each day he comes home. I must admit that I still tear up just about every morning watching him walk into school. Most days I try looking the other way but most of the time I can't help but watch. The First night he read me a book I cried for almost an hour. That kid makes me want to pull out every hair on my head most days but there is more love in my heart for him than stars in the sky. Thanksgiving was fairly quiet but We did get to enjoy eating lunch with him at school. The most memorable moment of November for me was the last breaking Dawn movie came out. My old self with Melanie and Paige in tow camped out For the midnight premiere. What I took away from that experience is I am entirely too old to stay up that late and entirely Too impatient to put up with teenyboppers in glitter ugg boots! I also hit my goal of losing 65 pounds this month. Who knew running was actually enjoyable??? 

Now Christmas is upon us and hopefully I will do a better job at documenting that (with photos) than I have the last few months. I have learned that life can change in the blink of an eye and a completely new meaning of dont sweat the small stuff. I have learned that I have amazing friends and family and most importantly that my God never ever ever fails. Never. I have been reminded to talk to Him just as much during the good times as the bad, to keep a thankful and humble attitude and to just whisper His name at any given moment for help on times of chaos. 

I hope you have a VERY Merry Christmas. Love on your family and count your blessings. 

I know right!

I have several different verses on post its around my desk but there is one directly in my line of view at all times! I find myself having to look at it daily, sometimes hourly to remind me that worrying about the uncontrollable is pointless.

"So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."    Matthew 6:34

Why stress and worry about things we do not know, things unforeseen, things we make bigger in our heads than what they really are, things that we can't change even though we desperately want too, things that are not in OUR plans, or things that simply frighten us? What does that accomplish? I will tell you what it accomplishes..... it steals and robs you of TODAY'S joy! Ever went through a rough day where you were stressing something coming up in your life and before you went to bed realized you let the entire day go by without enjoying one breath you took that day? I am guilty of this. It is the very reason I need the verse with me at all times. Like the verse says, today brings enough trouble of its own so why combine that with stressing about the uncontrollable?

 Easier said than done, I promise I know that, but for those of you who are worry warts, I challenge you to write this verse down, put it somewhere where you can see it at all times, and the moment you start to feel that anxiety, read it, re read it, chant it aloud, speak it to Jesus and let it go! Remember you will never get a minute of your life back, no do-overs, no coulda woulda shoulda's.... so try to find your joy even in the midst of chaos and only dwell on one day at a time. Remember that Jesus holds our tomorrows and quite frankly He doesn't need our help. He has got this. Everything we go through is a lesson learned, faith renewed and we come out a changed person. If we didn't have these things to happen and life just always went our way, what kind of people would we be? The word FAITH wouldn't need to exist.

Hope you are having a great day. I'd love to see a picture of your verse if you choose to write it down. Remember to put it somewhere that is easily accessible. Aren't you thankful for scriptures like this? I know I surely am!

The BEST WORST day of my life

Well, the time finally came. I knew it was coming, and knew that I would be sad but often (silently of course) mocked people who seemed so distraught about their children starting school. I might have even rolled my eyes at a few people carrying on about how it was heartbreaking and the hardest thing they have ever done. I also use to do the same thing to the mother in walmart who had a child out of control thinking "She needs to get it together and spank that kid" until I became that mother and left walmart (and a full buggy sitting in the aisle) sobbing with a child having a complete meltdown in tow. I should have learned from this right? I remember the day it hit me.....like a ton of bricks. It was this day... in walmart coincidentally....

We were buying school supplies and he got to pick out his own backpack. The second he put it on I felt my throat start to close up, pools of wet stuff starting to gather in my eyes and the sudden urge to grab him up and give him the biggest hug I had ever given him. The complete and utter sadness that began to set in was completely overwhelming and also very surprising. I do consider myself an emotional person but only usually to sick or dying children. Romantic movies, weddings, pet commercials etc... usually have me imagining holding my finger down my throat during overly mushy parts. I did cry once at a peanut butter commercial where the kid fixed his mom who was staying up late to study a sandwich..... ok I have gotten off subject. Anywho I didn't expect to feel this depth of sadness.

The days that followed only seemed to get worse. His last days at his daycare that he has been at since he was 6 months old were coming to an end. I was struggling with this more than the thought of him starting school. His last three days there I cried when I dropped him off and again when I picked him up. It was not only closing a chapter in his life but mine also.

 Colby and Mia on his last day.

(gotta love the kid in the backgrounds face)

 The teachers he loved the most were Mia, Kerry and Raimey. They loved him too despite his tendency to cause complete and utter chaos.  

Saying goodbye to her was the hardest. Mrs. Marty had helped raise my child for almost 6 years. She spent more time with him on most days than I got too. She loves every one of her children at her daycare with her whole heart and always treated me as well as him with the utmost respect. I will never forget Colby had just turned 2 and came home one day and recited the entire pledge of allegiance. Mrs. Marty taught her kids what it truly meant to be an American and to always take pride in their country, their flag and their freedom. The last day was brutal for me, especially when Colby finally realized he wasn't ever going back there again. He was most concerned that they would miss him too much and cry all day.

Then the big day came. Colby has never jumped out of bed that easily before. After breakfast, packing his lunch and brushing his teeth he was MORE than ready to hurry up and go.

He was patient enough to let me get a few pictures. 

 Jason wasn't emotional in the least. He was so excited for him he said he couldn't be sad.

 While I still had eye makeup on....

The moment where I had to just breathe. Seeing his desk with his name on it made it so real to me. He was no longer my baby but my little man all grown up. Once we walked him to his classroom, got his supplies and backpack stored away, we spent some time talking and checking out his room again. I noticed a lot of the parents were already leaving. I wasn't ready but I knew I couldn't stay all day. Jason finally gave me that look as in "bite the bullet it's time to go." Jason leaned down and gave him a kiss and a strict order to mind his teacher. I wasn't sure if he would give me a kiss or not but as I knelt down he gave me a very excited yet nervous hug and kiss and he didn't care if anyone saw him. It is a moment I will never forget. I held it together until we got outside. Once in the car, I let the tears come and accepted our new adventure. I was impatiently waiting all day to pick him up and hear all about his first day. I mostly got stories about recess and lunch (which seems to be a recurring theme each day) but he did tell me a few things he learned. The second day I had to drop him off instead of walking him in. He gave me a swift kiss on the cheek, jumped out of the car and not once did he look back at me. That was a rough drive to work!

We are now in week 2 of kindergarten and already he has learned how to spell red, blue, yellow, green and orange. He can also LEGIBLY write his letters, name and numbers as well as some problem solving and rhyming. I am so impressed with how much he has learned in 7 short days. It didn't take him too long to learn that big school wasn't as fun as he thought it was going to be but each morning he is still as excited as the first to go.

Now that the sadness has subsided, I am very excited for what is in store for Colby! To all of you who have went through this already, I humbly apologize for thinking you were absurd and a basket case. For those of you who haven't yet, cherish every single day that your child is small. In the blink of an eye they will be grown.