Monday, August 15, 2016

Half way to 70....

Today is my 35th birthday. I can remember a time when 35 seemed so ancient to me yet here I am, 35 and still feel 20 something. Jason has repeatedly reminded me over the last few weeks that I was slowly approaching the halfway mark to 70 years old. At first when he said it a sting shot through me... Was this life halfway over? The more I thought about it, and remembered people in my life that are 70 years old that I still think are very young, that sting started to lessen. 

A few weeks ago I had to fill out a questionnaire for a doctors appointment and one of the questions asked me what my current emotional state was. It gave me a lot of options including stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, etc. For the first time in a very long time I smiled and checked the box that said content. I wasn't able to check that box because everything in my life is smooth sailing and because I do not have problems. I checked that box because being content is actually a choice, One I made not too terribly long ago. Being content is not reliant on your circumstances but plainly on your perspective. Is my life perfect, no. Do I have everything I have ever wanted, no. Do I have some dreams that I had for my life that I'm having to let go of? Yes I am. But I'm choosing to live a content life and I will gladly tell you why. 

In February this world lost a sweet precious soul. I was lucky to be able to call her friend. Jodi left behind a husband and three beautiful children, two of which she spent her life praying for because she was repeatedly told she would never be able to have children. She was a mother, a wife, a daughter, a teacher, a friend, a role model for my sister, a confidant, an advisor and she was always good for a smile and a fierce hug. I miss her terribly. At her wake I looked around and saw all the lives she had touched. Three hours we stood in line just to reach the room. In that time I pondered all the things she would miss. Birthdays, weddings, first and last days of school, anniversaries. Suddenly any problem I have had or will ever have seemed so small. 

So I choose to live content because I can. I choose to forgive because I can. I choose to love others because I can. I choose to not sweat the small stuff because I can. I choose to take a nap when I want too even though I have 100 other things that need to be done because I can. I choose to love my child unconditionally every single day even when I want to ring his neck because I can. I choose to be happy even when the world isn't going my way because I can. She can't, But I can. 

Paul said it better than I ever could. He found the secret to being content. It was a secret that I have allowed to take residence in my very core. It is life changing. Perspective altering. Soul quenching for the parched. It's simply this. 

Thank you for the Happy Birthday wishes today. I plan on smiling today because I can. Spending the day with family because I can. Cherishing each and every second of this short life that I can.