Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Just as I am




It's a hymn most all of us know by heart. It is a hymn that most of us sing methodically without any thought to the words because we have sang it for so long. As I awoke with this song in my head this morning for some unknown reason, I actually started to ponder the words and felt so ashamed at how many times I had just sang along and not realized their meaning.


Just as I am without one plea, but that thou blood was shed for me, and that thou bidst me come to thee.....


Without one plea, without one request, with all my guilt, with no petitions, God shed His precious blood, just for me. And then knowing me, all my rottenness, wickedness, sin and baggage,He still Bidst me come to Him. I am unworthy.


Just as I am, and waiting not to rid my soul of one dark blot, to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot.....


Every single solitary spot, the ones you barely see to the ones that follow us forever, His blood covers them all. Why do we wait so long to run to the arms of the one who, with simply asking, can take it all away? Why carry the burden of our sin in our soul to the point we become hardened, uncaring, numb or indifferent. Why allow shame over our sin keep us from bringing it to His throne, laying it at His feet and leaving it there. May I never wait to rid my soul again.


Just as I am though tossed about with many a conflict, many a doubt, fightings and fears within, without.....


Tossed about is one of the most spot on references to the way I feel sometimes. Conflicted with life changing decisions, conflicted with insecurities, conflicted with being a good mother, good wife, good daughter, good co worker, or just a good person. Doubting myself each and every day whether I am doing the right thing, beating myself up when I know I didn't, fearing the known as well as the unknown, completely and utterly tossed about. Still you lovingly look down on me and shelter me, Just as I am.


Just as I am poor, wretched, blind; sight, riches, healing of the mind, yea all I need in thee to find.....


Oh how I have felt all three of these things, usually all at the same time. Whether I am poor in finances or poor in spirit, how richly have I been blessed. I deserve not one thing that I have been given, but I have never went without. Sure, I have had to sacrifice, but He has always taken care of me, even when I didn't bother to acknowledge that He did. Wretched is a deep place I have found myself several times in my life. I have been lying face down on the bare floor, tear stained carpet beneath, begging God for healing of the mind. Begging for peace. Pleading for comfort and mercy. Without hesitation, He listened, He answered, He delivered. Whether you look at blind as physical or emotional, the sight  He gives is the only kind that truly heals. Sometimes we walk around this world, so blind, close minded, completely oblivious to our sin and the world around us. Indeed all we need is found in Him.


Just as I am, thou wilt receive, wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve, because thy promise I believe....


This verse is the one that is the most humbling. You accept me, WELCOME me,  just as I am, all of me, the good, the bad, the horrible, the unhealthy, the ashamed and the broken. You don't ask questions, you don't make me jump through hoops, you simply cleanse me just from me asking you too. You allow me a pardon that I do not deserve. You sent your son to bleed and die so that I may have this forgiveness that not one ounce of me deserves. You take away the shame, relieve my burdens, allow me to hold my head high and know that I am forgiven, because Your word says so. Your promise is true and I am so thankful that You could love someone as undeserving as me.




Just as I am, thy love unknown hath broken every barrier down; now, to be thine, yea thine alone....


I will never understand the love that you so freely give. It is a love that breaks down barriers. You can love the most pios person to the most wretched criminal. You sent Your son to die for all of us, not just a select few. A love that has no start and no end. A love that, no matter what I do, I can't outrun or outgrow. A love with no expiration date or limitations. A love so undeserving that I can't wrap my head around it.


My prayer is that I, nor you, ever sing this song the same again. Thank you God for opening my eyes today to a new understanding of something so familiar.




O Lamb of God, I come, I come.....



Saturday, November 15, 2014

Can't we all just get along?!?

I've pondered writing this blog several times and each time I've decided that it would probably be best left in the far corners of my mind. I don't know if it's the narcotic strength cough syrup I've been chugging all week or what, but I'm going to be brave tonight and go for it.

I've learned in life, if you don't want to pick a fight with people, don't write about religion, politics or football. Well I'm choosing to step off into the last one. I hope your still my friend in the end.  



I love watching football. Since Colby has gotten older, we watch more football games than cartoons and I'm just fine with that. I'm not the girl who has a ton of  facebook posts on game day (unless it is a cute picture of me actually at a game) and I'm not the girl who plans her whole day around what time the game comes on. I can't tell you names of players or any stats they may have. I remember numbers and what their hair looks like coming out of their helmet. I analyze their uniforms and think I could have designed them so much better. 


On a side note, anyone else think the Steelers look like a bunch of bumblebees this year?!? Anywho....



Things this southern belle just doesn't get about one of the Souths most treasured sports: 

1- Oh how your gonna hate me for this one. I don't understand why if you were born in Mississippi, raised in Mississippi, attended college (or didn't at all) in Mississippi, cheer for a team that is NOT from your home state. It blows my mind. We have a ton of great schools in our state, that by the way are doing a great job this year, that you could cheer on. What happened to taking pride in where you live? Mississippi already gets a bad wrap on education, obesity, welfare and unemployment....one of the good things we have going for us is we breed some AWESOME football players. My child has a fascination for LSU. Why? Because he likes the color purple and because his best friend told him too. This I can understand. Adults, not so much. But I will give you this one. Say you just like that other states team. In the words of Taylor Swift, Why ya gotta be so mean? When your team plays a team that represents the state you actually live in, can't we all just get along?!? I know Mississippi folks are just as bad at this. 



2- Ok so say you root for a Mississippi team. Problem is they are playing another team from our great state. The way I see it, whether your team won or lost, Mississippi had a good day. I imagine the day of the Egg Bowl there will be some serious FB trash talking going on. Can't we all just get along, root for your team but be a gracious winner/loser in the end? No need for all the trash talking. What is generally entertaining for me to watch is all the PRE game trash talking that goes on, then the violently loud crickets you hear when your team didn't win. 






3- Whether your attending a game or watching from the comfort of your couch, why is it necessary to hollar instructions to the coach or players? Newsflash, they can't hear you. When I attend USM games, the guy behind me has something to say about EVERY play. It's like he thinks there is a guy on the sidelines with a clipboard taking all his "notes and criticism" and relaying it to the coach. He will even follow up his rant sometimes with "I told you that wasn't gonna work coach". Makes me think of Van Wilder saying, let me write that down. 



4- Why does football bring out the worst potty mouths in people? Guy from point #3 likes to use colorful words when dictating his notes to the coach. Colby loves to turn around, give him the stink eye and say He needs him some Jesus. Your kids are watching you. Other people's kids are watching you.  Show them how to be angry without sinning. Jesus threw a table over once, but he had a very good reason too. I don't think a fumble or loss of yardage warrants a bunch of @!^#~¥^ nonsense. 



5- Why is everything related to football so expensive, from the mere ticket to get in the game, to the $3 bag of .50 M&M's, to the $70 KIDS jersey!?! It's expensive to be a fan of football, much less a die hard fan. We entertained the idea of going to the Egg Bowl until I went to buy tickets. I could take my family to the Bahamas for a week for what it would cost us to sit in the freezing weather to watch that game. Give me a beach chair please! 



So I've offended 95% of you by now I'm sure, but I had to get that one off my chest. I'm not a bandwagon fan, just merely a fan of whoever is left that is closest to home. I will yell Hotty Toddy, Hail State, To the Top all day long. I want to teach Colby to take pride in where he is from and to never be ashamed of being from Mississippi. I may be fighting a losing battle, and I must say I do look good in purple too, but I just want to see the severe hate dialed down a notch..... Or ten.